


To Drown for You

by linkami1379



Series: Knowledge Is Power- When Applied with the Heart [2]
Category: The Great Library Series - Rachel Caine
Genre: Emotional Sex, Fear of Abandonment, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Ink and Bone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 20:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12689595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linkami1379/pseuds/linkami1379
Summary: "Suddenly, Dario made out the figure that had haunted his every thought these past few days. Jess raced over the bounding waves like they were sleek marble. He never looked back as he ran from Dario and into the thickening storm, and Dario drowned."Dario tries to put himself back together after the Battle of Oxford, his mask cracked and bleeding while the Library is out for blood. Jess has avoided Dario for days. What do you do when the lighthouse is further offshore than you can swim?





	To Drown for You

**Author's Note:**

> I said I'd continue with these two, but... well, I'm not sure how to continue THIS continuation. So it will remain a one-shot for a while, I suppose. 
> 
> I love the dynamics of this world, so I like to keep my fics canon, but it's difficult to find room to have these bits fit (somewhat) within the storyline! I apologize if I mixed up some of the events, I don't actually have any of the books with me at school to reference.

“The quality of mercy is not strain’d  
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven  
Upon the place beneathe. It is twice blest:  
It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes.”  
~William Shakespeare

“Come on, Scrubber,” Dario called, burnished eyes searching for a lean, familiar figure. The sun gathered over Jess as he faced the Mediterranean Sea. Dario stumbled, transfixed as golden fingers of light danced across Jess’s jaw and teased through his hair. It was as if that fiery star had longed over him for eons, and cherished the moments where he was not hidden in the shadows. Dario found himself walking towards the man, his toes dipping into coarse, Spanish sands. 

“Jess.” The sound hummed around Dario’s ears like a wave, and he was overcome with a burning for Jess to turn and smile at Dario, to let Dario caress him like the sun was. It was primal and brought a tightness to Dario’s throat that he could not swallow. “Hey Jess,” Dario repeated, attempting to clear his throat, “where are you?” The question came unbidden, but… _but please, tell me where you are._

Jess turned his head slightly, but Dario couldn’t even make out his lips, or the full slope of his British nose. And when Dario lengthened his stride to reach him, Jess turned and _ran into the sea._ The tightness reached into Dario’s chest and tugged, stretching his lungs from his ribs as he leapt into a sprint. 

Dario screamed, terror flooding the dark hole he had forgotten hollowed his chest. “No, Jess--!” He couldn’t speak as the waves broke his knees and buckled him into the salt. Dario flailed in the sudden storm of water. “Jess!” He searched for the sunlight that had glowed so bright, that he was sure had warmed these frigid waters, and that chased away the dark. Dario realized the sun had been hiding for months now. 

Suddenly, Dario made out the figure that had haunted his every thought these past few days. Jess raced over the bounding waves like they were sleek marble. He never looked back as he ran from Dario and into the thickening storm, and Dario drowned. 

~

Dario heaved into the shifting air of his chambers, gripping his sheets between shaking fists. He coughed at the remaining tightness in his throat and chest, ragged breaths inhaling the scent of thick spices and the nearby ocean. It was dark in his room. Dario fleetingly wondered if he was still under the warring waves, sinking down into water and salt. 

Dario forced himself to slow his gasping and blink into the din. He could hardly make out the open window across the room, a mere five feet from him. The city was dark, too. 

“Goddammit.” Dario muttered, lifting himself from the bed to pad towards the window. _You ran from me, dammit._

 _You left me in the dark and you didn’t even look back._

Jess had put his back to Dario after Morgan was sealed away in the Iron Tower. Jess had refused to look at him when he proclaimed Thomas dead. Portero was probably resting in an unmarked grave thousands of miles away. Now, Khalila, Jess, Glain and Dario were the closest thing to family. They had all survived the screaming and burning of Oxford, and their bonds were the tethers that kept Dario from drowning like this every waking moment. Dario clenched his teeth, fighting the memories that dragged themselves from the foul pit in his chest. _You held me even as you were bleeding out on the battlefield, and said you wouldn’t leave._

 _I believed you._

When Jess accepted the invitation as a soldier in the High Garda without a single glance in Dario’s direction, Dario saw red. When he hadn’t heard word from Jess for nine days, Dario was angry, admittedly scared, and… crushed. _I opened myself for you, and you turned your back._ When Khalila told him about meeting with Jess the day before, Dario pulled on his well-worn mask. He was fine, he insisted, and glad she’d met with the “half-witted Scrubber” instead of himself. 

He hadn’t worn that mask for Khalila since their first months in Alexandria together. The mask was tighter than it had ever been before. Underneath, Jess’s betrayal cut deeper than Dario could cauterize.

Elbows on the windowsill, Dario gazed into the blanket of midnight that rested over Alexandria. His eyes attempted to pick out buildings and movement, but everything melded together in the darkness. For a moment, it was almost peaceful. 

A soft knocking on his door had Dario instantly alert. He swiveled and reached for the knife under his mattress, sidestepping his desk in two heartbeats. He crouched beside his door and waited, heart pounding. Two more soft knocks crowded the silence, followed by a single knock. _Jess…_ Dario’s longing and hope nearly had him clawing the door open, but he controlled his fingers to knock once on the smooth wood instead. He heard a sigh of relief on the other side, and recognized its cadence immediately. Dario unlocked the door and held his breath as he silently opened it into his room. 

Jess stood languid on the threshold, dressed in the High Garda uniform. His figure naturally blended into the shadows around him. Dario felt his tongue go dry and couldn’t speak when his eyes found Jess’s. _I haven’t seen your face for days. Tell me why I want to forgive you for everything right this moment._ The Spaniard stepped back and motioned with his head for Jess to enter, worried he would drown any moment. As he swiftly turned a glow on low, his mask snapped shut with a clang that echoed in Dario’s mind. Jess slipped in to stand right in front of Dario, reaching behind himself to close the door with a gentle _click_. Jess smelled like rainfall and city streets. Dario fought the urge to bury his nose in Jess’s neck and hold him for the remainder of the night. 

“Hey,” Jess whispered. Dario couldn’t speak, his heartbeat bounding furiously in his clenched fists. “Khalila said you were doing well… and here I thought she could read you as well as I could.” He gave a roguish smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes. His face was an impassive curtain, and Dario could see Jess had molded a mask as ragged as his own. “You look like shit.” Dario almost laughed at the reality of it. 

_I could say the same. When did you look so tired? When did your face hide your thoughts like this? You’re right here, and yet… where are you, Jess?_ “I’m sorry you weren’t able to meet up with us yesterday.” Jess’s expression gave away nothing. Dario could taste the lie as if it had passed his own lips. 

Dario closed his eyes, blocking out the beautiful man before him and breathed deep through his nose. “How is the High Garda?” He could feel Jess’s hurt from the way he flinched, the air rustling Dario’s nightclothes. 

“Hard. Glain loves it, she’s really fitting into her new job.” Jess paused, and Dario let him fight whatever battle he was fighting alone. The decision didn’t make Dario feel any better. 

“Dario—I – It wasn’t …” Jess struggled for words. The Spaniard let the man pause in the dark. “Dario, I think Thomas was murdered.” Dario’s eyes flashed open his hands found Jess’s shoulders. The man shuddered under his hands. Fury built up in his gut as he imagined Thomas facing his death alone and afraid. 

“What?” he hissed, searching Jess’s eyes for any hint of a lie. He could see none. _Oh dios mio, Thomas…_ As Dario watched, he saw the emotionless mask crumble and fall from Jess’s face like the ashes of a book. Dario’s resentment was left buried under the debris. _I see you and I fall apart every time._

“He—he created something that could’ve destroyed the Library,“ Jess said, teeth clenching as if in pain, suddenly gripping Dario’s arms to steady himself. Dario’s mind reeled. “I didn’t respond to your notes and never came to you in case I would be tracked or followed.” Jess gazed hard into Dario’s eyes. _“I had no choice,”_ they said. _“I ran for you.”_ Dario felt ice and fire in his belly at the thought of Jess avoiding Dario for Dario’s own safety – and for making that decision on his own. Jess shifted his eyes to burn holes into Dario’s shoulder. “He was… he was my best friend. They knew that.” Dario watched as Jess swallowed hard, the glow light sloping over the soft angles. 

“You think the Library…” Dario said, staring at the hard lines by Jess’s eyes. Jess nodded. 

“Thomas created something extraordinary and dangerous,” Jess said slowly, eyes like dual half moons. Their silver reflected in the glowlight. “I was nearly suspected of h-helping him, and I’m already under the eye of the Artifex as it is. I… don’t want you connected to me, if the Library comes after me, as well.” Dario moved his thumbs slowly over Jess’s shoulders, understanding aching within his veins. Jess closed his eyes and Dario wondered if Jess had been hurting just as much as he had these past few days. “I’m sorry.”

“Enough,” Dario hushed, his mind truly tired with it all. _Thomas murdered by the Library, Morgan imprisoned against her will, Jess here in my arms-- does this really make up for anything?_

Dario inhaled and exhaled slowly. Images of fire and death rose unbidden to his mind, of blood and shit and decay in the mud. Dario remembered Jess’s expression when Morgan was lead away in chains. He remembered when Jess spoke of his twin, eyes lost and heart on his sleeve. He remembered when he released choked cries into Jess’s chest after Oxford, after his friend was murdered and buried in the mud by the stampede. Dario felt something rise like bile in his throat, and he recognized it as self-hatred.

_I’ve been so selfish, Jess. God dammit._

_I’ve been the exact person I despise._

“Come on, Scrubber,” he murmured, jarringly reminded of his dream for a split second, “look at me.” Jess pursed his lips and gripped Dario’s biceps like dual vices. “Jess.” _You do this to me, Jess._ “I don’t care about the consequences. We’re friends, comrades… partners.” 

_That hardly describes it. You’re… worth more than any book._ Dario’s throat constricted. 

“We’re… you’re important to me, and I’d rather be out there with you, working to free Morgan, than watching from afar as you become a martyr.” _You’re worth more than any run._ He watched as Jess’s mouth flew open to retaliate. “Don’t,” Dario sighed, “I know you would. It’s your style.” Dario leaned forward and settled his forehead against Jess’s, relishing the warmth of his body. _I’m no burner, but I would run into Greek fire to reach you._

 _I would run against the Library to reach you._ Dario shuddered at his own thoughts, hearing the whispers of burners calling frantically in the thunder of war. 

“You’re… damp, Dario,” Jess chuckled, the sound broken and wet. “Have a good dream?” Dario rolled his eyes at the idea. 

“The opposite,” Dario said blandly before dipping his head in defeat to latch his lips onto Jess’s soft ones. They tasted so much better than salt. He kept his mouth closed and simply inhaled Jess’s scent, finding the familiar musk underneath the layer that Alexandria had placed on him. Jess responded by nearly moaning on his mouth, and Jess immediately slid his hands up Dario’s arms to his shoulders, where he began to pull Dario closer. Dario lifted his lips and slid his nose up to rest on Jess’s hairline, placing a kiss there. “You left, Jess.” Dario sighed roughly into the strands of dark hair. “And it hurt more than I thought it would. Damn you.” 

_You’re priceless, you’re more than family,_ Dario wanted to say. 

“Please, forgive me,” Jess whispered, his breath ghosting over Dario’s neck. Dario shook his head and placed a bent finger under Jess’s head, lifting his lips so they just barely grazed over Dario’s own. Finally, Jess’s eyes were locked on his. They were glittering, gray pools of stars. 

“I have,” Dario mouthed silently before licking into Jess’s mouth and reveling in the warmth of him. Jess responded like a drowning man, surging up to meet Dario, hands replacing themselves at Dario’s neck and hair, chest pressed flush against his own. _Perhaps you were the one drowning all along._

Jess clung to Dario and kissed him deeply in their small moment of light in the darkness. Dario backed them to the bed and skimmed his fingertips down Jess’s back and over his ass before he bent down to hoist Jess’s thighs around his hips. Jess swore and immediately ground his hips into Dario’s as Dario stumbled onto the bed. Immediately Dario’s hands roamed and clung to the planes of Jess’s back. 

_I don’t know how to ask you to stay, to stop running for and from me,_ Dario thought, leading kisses down Jess’s collarbone and tangling his fingers in the fabric of his loose shirt. _How do I say that I care for you this way when our friends are being murdered and locked away?_

Dario’s stomach dropped at his thoughts and he growled into the scarred skin beneath his lips. Roughly, he attempted to shed Jess’s coat, struggling with the clasps. Jess cursed and removed it with shaking fingers before flinging it, and his shirt, whispering to the floor. The pain of recent loss reached into Dario’s mind and he craved the feel of Jess against him, safe and protected at this moment. Dario hungered over the man, his tongue flat over his chest, teeth sharp on his flesh, his nails biting into wherever they could find purchase. Jess appeared to be just as starved. Dario couldn’t hold back a groan when Jess gripped his hair and jerked back, latching over Dario’s lips with mouth wide and thighs quivering. 

Jess began to rhythmically roll his hips against Dario. He held himself above Dario as he worked, his body fluid and lit softly by the glow beside them. Dario wondered if he were praying as he watched Jess’s eyes close and teeth bite his own lip. Dario’s own mouth fell slack as he felt Jess’s hard member against his own, separated by soft cotton. He slid his hands under the band of Jess’s trousers and gripped hard before forcing Jess against his body firmly. The movement had them both breathing hard into each other’s open mouths. They moved in tandem in the gentle glow. If Dario were to describe this later, he would be describing euphoria. 

_Hours ago, I cursed your name and now I praise it. I never wanted to be chained to anyone, but here I am._

The heat between them flared and faded with each touch and gasp they shared. Jess removed Dario’s shirt with deft movements and gazed at Dario’s body with a fervor that had Dario blushing and taking his lips again moments later. They hadn’t spoken in those soft minutes, and Dario concentrated on each whimper and moan that vibrated from Jess. They filled Dario with fire and he remained enraptured by the person in his arms, the man who began battering down his walls starting day one. The man who stared Dario down and insisted he was a complete ass, but that he was also worth fighting for. Jess breathed heavy against Dario as he mouthed at the tender skin behind Jess’s ear, and Dario suddenly felt that he could understand himself clearly for the first time. 

_I…_ Dario squeezed his eyes shut as he held Jess to him, overwhelmed by the surging of his heart. _I think I…_

“Love you,” Jess gasped into Dario’s mouth, the words coming in a rush as if he had been holding back for too long. The words bore into Dario like embers, and they burned hotter and faster than stars, momentarily blinding him with lust. Jess’s thighs shuddered on either side of Dario and he ground himself into Dario’s person. Dario shook and keened into Jess’s neck, coming against his will harder than he ever had. “Dario, I love you,” Jess repeated, nearly chanting it as he continued to rock against him. 

Dario felt white heat in his belly streak along his limbs and he gripped Jess’s hips, lips messy and gaping over his neck, riding the sudden high for what felt like eternity. He felt himself chanting to Jess, “Love you Jess, mierda, te amo, Jess,” but couldn’t control the words after they began. Dario moaned, trying to have Jess as close as possible as his body pulsed and shuddered over and over again. He could hear Jess chanting to him: “you’re beautiful”, “I won’t lose you”, and, “won’t let them take you from me” intertwined with the devoted repetition of his name.

_Don’t let him go, don’t let him go, don’t go, I love you, don’t leave again, te amo—_

_\--please don’t leave me behind._

“I would follow you,” Dario heaved, gripping Jess’s jaw with one hand and bringing it down to him, “ _anywhere_ , damn the consequences.” He sucked on Jess’s lips and swore his heart was filling the room with its bruising beats when Jess whimpered against him. Dario lowered his other hand down to the front of Jess’s pants and stroked firmly at the fever he found there. Jess’s head thudded onto Dario’s shoulder and he groaned long and deep. Dario lifted his hand and wiggled it inside the fabric of Jess’s High Garda uniform, firmly grasping Jess’s member before pumping roughly. Jess lifted his head and placed a molten gaze on Dario, lips parted and breath heating Dario’s face. The Spaniard brought fingers to Jess’s cheek and he outlines his jaw, his chin, his nose and his lips. Jess turned his head swiftly and took two of Dario’s fingers into his mouth, making Dario grip Jess’s person stutter and tighten. “God, you’re so beautiful,” Dario choked, spellbound by the sensual performance before him. The swirl of Jess’s tongue over Dario’s fingers had memories of fire running through his veins. He stroked Jess’s tongue and teeth avidly as his other thumb circled over the head of Jess’s person, and he felt the rumble of Jess’s moan through his mouth. 

“I love you, I thought you left me and I loved you,” Dario continued and he felt a sharp inhale before Jess removed Dario’s fingers from his mouth, leaving them cold. Jess leaned forward and began to leave swift kisses across his forehead, his cheeks, his jaw, his mouth. Dario hummed in appreciation, reaching lower to fondle all of Jess. “Dios mio, I’m a wreck for you, Jess.” 

At that, Jess convulsed against Dario, his body curled over their laps, abs tight, and Dario searched blindly for Jess’s hand as he pumped harder. He gripped Jess’s hand hard, their fingers intertwining messily as Jess bit Dario’s shoulder and released a low scream, his cry slightly muffled. Dario cursed, his voice choked as he felt Jess shudder against him, his mouth scorching his skin and clinging to him as if he were a lifeline. 

Dario removed his hand from Jess’s trousers and wiped his seed onto his own pants. Jess’s hips jerked minutely before he slowly released Dario’s shoulder, leaving it wet and bruised. Their linked hands rested on the bed. Dario blinked back moisture and lifted fingers to stroke Jess’s hair, softly brushing aside sweaty strands. If Jess was concerned about his own mess on his face, he didn’t show it. Jess removed his fingers from Dario’s and brought both hands up to cup Dario’s face. 

“I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, but I will not let them have you,” Jess said. “They took Thomas, they can’t have you, too. They,” Jess heaved a shuddering breath, “they can’t. Won’t.” Dario skimmed his fingers over Jess’s body and rested them over his hands. 

“I won’t let you run away from me, Jess.” Dario smirked, internally fighting the sudden urge to release all the pain and hurt he’d hid away since he came to Alexandria. “But I understand that you’ve been doing it all your life. Running.” Jess remained silent. “You’ll sacrifice yourself and you’ll choose the path you think is right, and I’ll follow you and get your scrawny ass back where it should be.” Jess scoffed and rolled his eyes, thumbs stroking Dario’s cheeks. 

“And where is that, Mr. Santiago?”

“Somewhere safe,” Dario whispered. He understood now why Santi looked at Wolfe the way he did, why he gazed at the Scholar with love and agony. _I’ll be living the remainder of my life knowing he could disappear any day. That I’ll be trying to protect him from himself._ Dario saw the defiance in Jess’s eyes, and also the acceptance that Dario was right. _And that’s okay for me._ “I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge.”

Jess shifted and lifted himself off Dario, nearly losing his balance as he swung himself fully onto the bed. “Is that all I am then? A challenge?”

“Challenge of a lifetime, this one,” Dario groused, his exhaustion returning full-force. Jess chuckled and picked up his shirt from the floor before lazily donning it. A sudden thought rose in Dario’s mind. “How did you get into the Lighthouse? Why tonight?” Jess carded a hand through his hair and gave a tight-lipped smile. 

“I managed to… walk right in because of my uniform.” Dario raised an unimpressed brow. “I may have picked a lock or two to reach your room… and I may have asked Khalila yesterday which room was yours.”

“Disappointing, really,” Dario drawled, leaning back on his hands to watch as Jess slipped his arms through the now-wrinkled coat sleeves. Dario inhaled and paused for a moment before continuing. “When will I see you again?” Jess finished the last clasp and looked towards the window, where the barest hint of dawn blessed the horizon. 

“Honestly, you were already important to me. If the Library were tracking me, they would have already figured that out.” Jess turned to face Dario. “I’m not going to cut you from my life, but I don’t want you taken or hurt because of our connection.”

“You really hold yourself in high esteem in the Library, Jess,” Dario commented, tilting his head and brushing his fingers over a blooming bruise on the other man’s neck. _That’s going to piss Glain off, I’m sure._ “Do you really think they’ll come after you like that?” Jess’s eyes darkened. 

“Putting me in the High Garda was the only way for Professor Wolfe to protect me from the Library, for now,” Jess said lowly. “I could… I may have a way for us to communicate. Maybe,” Jess repeated, holding up a finger to Dario’s open mouth. “I can’t tell you how or what, but if it works… then I’ll tell you.” 

“Is this how our relationship is going to be, then?” Dario said, already feeling irritation with the Brit beside him. 

“Yes. But I think it’s worth it. You’re worth it. You and Khalila and Glain and—“ Jess hesitated, and it was in that moment Dario realized Jess was in contact with Morgan. A spark of jealously rose up but was buried by the hope and relief that she was not completely cut off from them. She was still a part of their family. “—you all make everything worth it.” Jess gave Dario one more soul-rending look before he stood and slipped his shoes on. Dario hadn’t even realized he’d taken them off. Before Jess had taken more than two steps towards the door, he turned back and took Dario’s lips in a final kiss. It was another close-mouthed press of lips upon lips, and Dario swayed slightly into Jess. 

“I’ll try to send word at least every other day,” Jess promised, lips brushing Dario’s. 

“So will I. I think Khalila has already known for weeks now,” Dario said, grinning. 

“Once she has proof, she will be sure to pester us both for details,” Jess groaned. Dario was secretly looking forward to that. Jess was obviously not. 

“Go, before someone notices,” Dario sighed as he glanced at the predawn. “I don’t know much about High Garda protocol, but I know it’s god-awful early.” 

“You’re not wrong about that,” Jess agreed as he padded to the exit for the second time. He rested one hand on the door handle and looked back at Dario. “I… I know what I’m like. It wasn’t a problem until I found you guys. Da never cared terribly if I were to… not return after…” Dario wasn’t sure what Jess was getting at, but he stood and walked over to stand before him. “I don’t think I can change.” Dario swallowed. “So I’ll just learn to run faster, and I’ll always run back to you.” Before Dario could reply, Jess was through the door and it closed softly behind him. Dario couldn’t even hear footsteps in the hallway. He was gone. 

“I’ll make sure the path is clear for you, Scrubber,” Dario said to the empty room, feeling the ache in his chest as the whispers of Jess’s kisses faded. “Even if it means I’m drowning.”

~

As Jess snuck back to the barracks, he began to decide how to ask Morgan if she could create a private connection between his and Dario’s Codex’s. His mind ran as his feet automatically took him the long way through the courtyard, successfully avoiding any automata. Jess didn’t take note of the emptiness of the courtyard, but did notice the lack of High Garda outside. He made a mental note to ask Glain about it later that morning, before jogging the rest of the way through the streets. 

Red eyes gazed unblinking from the Lighthouse courtyard and watched until Jess was out of sight before turning to return to the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts and prompts always welcome ~


End file.
